Hello 2012

So here it is. A new post. It has been months. I took the blog down for a bit since I accidentally sent a link in my signature to my PROFESSOR and thought that a shot of my ginormous boobs feeding two babies was NOT what he needed to see. Hell, who really does *need* to see such things? Anyhow, my class is over and if he ever did have the urge to click on that link (before I removed it from my siggy) I doubt he would ever go there again. Cause hell, who would?

So. Lola is a big girl. She weaned on 10/21/11, I tandem nursed for exactly 10 months. And trust me, that was plenty. We threw her a little party. Next week that same child turns three. My gosh.

Dare I call this progress?

This past week has been filled with schedule upsets, travel and just a lot of running around. Lola went to Bessie Nana's for a night. Then came home. Then went back to Bessie Nana's for a wedding. Then came home. She was sans Mom-Mom at times. She was hot. She was tired. She was up till 10pm many nights.

And you know what?

She did wonderfully.

Sure, a few of those nights I nursed her to bed. Either Andrew wasn't there (he was home for some of it) or we just realized that 1. It was late. 2. It was the easy way out.

There were a couple of tantrums. Only one was really due to MommyTime (and could have been avoided if her parents weren't occasionally lame).

Sure, she is still nursing. She can nurse when she asks once in the morning and then again at naptime.On the couch or in her big girl bed. No exceptions. As long as our nursing relationship remains respectful, I'm game. (For a bit anyhow...)

Well.

Not sure what has changed. Maybe it was my public-ish venting on here. Maybe she logged into my computer and sat down for a read. Maybe she suddenly matured. Maybe it was all of the strategic coversations I had with other adults within her earshot. Maybe it was all of the conversations I had with her directly. Maybe....

I don't care. She hasn't tantrummed for breastmilk in days. Since that blog post. Not. Once.
(Well, there was that one bedtime tantrum that would have been solved with breastmilk, but I am not sure what that was about, she was overtired, it was late.)

She asked 49580984098 times over the weekend and only breastfed twice.

This, I could get used to.

Movin' Out.

We've made the move. Zach is now in his crib in Andrew's office. I've been trying to convince Andrew that we had to take the plunge, I needed more sleep and well, he finally agreed to give up some of his man space and share it with the wee one.

AND ZACH SLEPT SEVEN HOURS STRAIGHT.

Yes, seven. 9pm-4am

Of course I was up till midnight, but the four hours I did get, uninterrupted were without a baby in my bed. They were restful and wonderful.

(Please don't be a fluke.)

Tapped Out.

Lately we've been talking with Lola about the possibility of weaning. She is 2.5 now and it had been my hope to have her off the boob by 7/11/11. Well that day came and went and here we are... still breastfeeding. She had been nursing about twice a day for a few months now but over the last week or two she's kicked it up a notch.

If there is a lull in conversation she might whisper "mommy time".
If she sees her brother nursing, she might come over and try to latch on with him (oftentimes on the same boob).
Other times she will just screech and yell at me until I "Give in"
This morning she saw Zach nursing and starting crying because "That's my side mommy!!!" (I never noticed she had a "side")

The last few days it has gotten to the point where dh and I are at a total loss. She tantrums constantly to nurse. I try and spend time with her doing other things (when ds is sleeping or otherwise occupies) but she just wants "mommy time".

Today I found myself shut in the bathroom so I could nurse my 7 mo old, with her tantrumming outside the door. I know that I could be nursing them simultaneously, I did for the first 4-5 months, but now I just am so tired and they are both so squirmy that I don't enjoy it. PLUS it got to the point that whenever I nursed Zach, Lola wanted some too. I feel as though I am starting to resent Lola's nursing and that is the last thing I want.

My daughter screaming outside the bathroom door while I attempt to feed her brother is NOT how I pictured parenting. I cry because I feel like a failure. I think I should wean them both and not give Zach the benefits afforded to Lola because I don't know what else to do. (This has been suggested by a few people close to me, while it isn't something I'm going to do- the thought has crossed my mind.)

Sometimes I yell. "FINE! JUST NURSE!" or something equally as heartwarming and lovely. And she does, happily. All the while I feel horrified at the idea that I just yelled at my two. year. old. because she wanted some of mommy's milk.

I've tried snacks/juice/milk. "Special" activities only for when ds is nursing. We have established "boundaries" about when/where to nurse. (In the morning and at naptime - on our couch and in her big girl bed) - I just don't know what else to do.

Sometimes she will tell me, out of the blue "Mommy, I too big for mommy time. I all done now." I even have it on video. I've replayed it for her and she watches and then resumes asking for mommy time.

Sigh.

On average,

I spend over 3 hours a day nursing.
Yes, it is mainly Zach, Lola generally only spends about 35 minutes/day plus the time it takes to get her asleep for bed.

Wow, a whole month!!

I guess February was busy. Maybe we've hit a stride. Yes, changing my attitude toward her nursing really helped. Saying yes has helped. Does she nurse a lot? YES. Does Zach? YES. Are there days that I feel like screaming if another person touches me, even for a moment? YES. But...

Does breastfeeding give me a chance to rest? YES Am I offering my kiddos the best nutrition there is? YES Do we have some rules around breastfeeding? YES YES YES.

Lola's 2 yo molars are coming through, so NO TEETH is a big one. She likes to bite down (gently) and then show me "teeth marks".. Um, not cool.
Mommy time after breaktfast.
Zach, Lola Mommy time is in the chair.

We're good.

Now I just need to figure out how to PARENT two kids during the day.. This is the real challenge.